Thoughts and Dreams

Day 2

Oprah sharing a conversation: "And as I sat there crying, he (Sidney Poitier) said, 'You have to remember you are carrying people's dreams, and when you are carrying people's dreams, oftentimes they put burdens on you that are not yours to bear. You have to decide what your dream is for yourself.'"

That statement hits home - so many things happened last year, including the passing of my mother. 39 was rough. But those challenges have also served as a catalyst for a deeper examination of myself.

The last decade was spent moving around, re-creating a home multiple times, for the dreams of a spouse. Staying at home with the children and homeschooling. Serving my church and community in a number of areas. And I've done it all gladly. No complaints...well, except for the moving around (a woman can pack and unpack boxes only so many times before going completely mad.) 

Prior to getting married, I worked with an international humanitarian organization and lived in Ethiopia for a year. I also spent a few months traveling around Bulgaria for that organization. It was life-changing and exciting.  One dream fulfilled.

At that time, I condensed my life into two suitcases, sold my car and gave away prized possessions (including my favorite pair of orange, red and black polyester bellbottom pants.) Disposed of anything that didn't fit into my new responsibilities as a representative of God and the organization overseas.  

And I've used that same approach ever since.  Though I haven't "lacked in personality" the last 10 years, I want to play the role of ME more too. I am no longer apologetic for loving psychedelic polyester bellbottom pants and plan to wear them more often.  (I've picked up a pair here and there.) 

The dreams of my heart that I will embrace as a 40 year old aka what will make me look more like me...

Drawing.  I stopped when I had babies because of the time and messiness.

Piercing my nose (and I'm gonna do it too in 39 days!)  When I was little, no one looked like me because I am a blend of two distinctive, culturally different parents.  The first time I saw a picture of woman in a sari, I screamed, "There's my people!" I had never seen someone that looked like me until then.  Inside, I am an Indian-Pakistani princess mixed with Diana Ross and her hair.

Writing a book.  I've had the idea for a biographical compilation for a few years now and have started conversations with several individuals.  Stories about people's lives are fascinating to me.

Collecting vintage gowns and using them in my photography.  My love of costumes and dresses began when I was around 3, with an aunt who used to make me hundreds of intricate paper dolls with hats, purses and fancy dresses.

Other passions and intentions...going to Paris, running a race, establishing a tea shop/photography studio/eclectic treasures shop, swimming again in the freezing cold beaches in Maine, dancing, studying design, renovating homes, poking about the whole country, taking my kids to Ethiopia, doing a photo shoot in both a bikini and my red satin gown.

What are your dreams and passions?  Though every day may not be a party, how do you celebrate life?